I’d like to give you permission to be f’ing pissed.
For a lot of us, the 2020 holiday season stinks. The world is not how it should be right now. It is not how it always was. Up is down. Black is white. There is so much we can’t count on, so much that is just unknown. You have a right to be angry about all these changes, about all the things you can’t control.
HOWEVER It is your responsibility to channel that anger.
Express it appropriately. Direct it where it should be directed. Get it out of you. Don’t be afraid of being angry. It’s OK. It’s acceptable. But it’s your responsibility to do this in a healthy way. It is your responsibility to take a crappy 2020 holiday season and turn it into something unique, different and maybe even fun.
I’d like to give you permission to just sit down.
You have permission to sleep late, to take a nap, to not finish the laundry. You have permission to serve cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner if you are just too exhausted to even think about making a meal. When you are just so overwhelmed and fed up and there is so much to do you can’t do anything, you have permission to be still.
HOWEVER it is your responsibility to not stay in that state.
You must get up again. You have people who depend on you, kids who need you. Yes, take some time for yourself and yes, give yourself a break. But get up and keep going because life isn’t stopping for you.
I’d like to give you permission to cry.
You don’t have to hold it in anymore. Tears are ok during this 2020 holiday. You don’t have to only show Zoom your happy face. Go into your room. Close your door. Maybe even go and sit on the floor of your closet and let the tears fall. Don’t judge them. Don’t try to ‘critical-parent’ them away. Just let them fall.
HOWEVER it is your responsibility to know when those tears mean you are depressed.
When you can’t stop crying and the tears seem to sap every last bit of your energy and you start feeling hopeless and helpless, it is your job to address what is most likely depression. It is your responsibility to see a therapist, to call a hotline, to share your struggle with a friend. Depression is a sneaky storm that can slowly take over. And it can kill you if you let it.
How to know when you need to go to therapy.
I’d like to give you permission to throw your freaking scale out of the window.
Stop trying to squeeze into your pre-Covid jeans. Who needs to wear jeans right now anyway? The size on the tag or the number on the scale does not conflate with your worthiness or value. Listen to me friend, it does not matter how much you weigh. I give you permission to stop counting calories or points or carbs or whatever the not-so-cool kids are doing these days. Feed your soul. And sometimes that means actual food.
HOWEVER it is your responsibility to nurture yourself.
Not judge or belittle yourself. Not try to mold your body into something you think it “should” be. But be kind to yourself. Fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lots of ice cold water, those are all ways to give yourself a hug. You don’t need to count how many calories are in a banana or spend precious head space trying to figure out if it was a small banana or a big banana. Just eat the damn banana.
To all the girls who have ever been called fat…this is a letter for you.
I’d like to give you permission to say screw it for the 2020 holiday.
Screw it, we’re not getting dressed today. Screw it, I’m not cooking. We are going to sit in front of the TV all damn day and I’m not going to care what anyone says. Screw it, I’m not logging into work or Facebook or that zoom call for that thing I can’t even remember. You have permission to say screw it all!
HOWEVER it is your responsibility to get back on track after screwing it all.
There will be consequences and it is up to you to deal with them. Woman up and do it. But let the feeling of freedom and the release of stress carry over to when you are back doing all the things. It is your responsibility to monitor yourself to not get so overwhelmed, to let some steam out before you blow.
I’d like to give you permission to dream about the future, to lament the past.
It is ok that you daydream about that next time you can visit Disney World or spend an hour going through the photos from the last time you visited your parents prior to this Covid-19-esque 2020 holiday. You have permission to plan for the future, to be wistful about the past. You can lament all that you have missed since travel/vacations/holidays have been cancelled.
HOWEVER it is your responsibility to come back to live in the present.
It is what it is right now, folks. And we have to live in it. We have to deal with what is going on in our lives right now because we are living on borrowed time. The future is not promised, friends. Your kids will never be this young again. When you wish away all the things that suck right now (and there are a lot of them) don’t wish away all the good too. Because whether you can see it right now or not, there are some good things happening in your life. Look for them.
Finally, I want to give you permission to be happy.
Despite the Covid-19 pandemic…despite the racial unrest…despite the loss of jobs and the political turmoil that is swirling all around us: You can be happy. Joy is your birthright. Don’t be afraid to embrace it and let it show on your face and in your life. When you find a nugget of happiness, hold on to it tightly and let its light shine through to all around you.
And when you are happy, it is your responsibility to help others find happiness too.
Give more to people around you. Give money, time, advice, hope and love to people you know and those you don’t. During this 2020 holiday season, reach out beyond yourself to help others find joy. Remember that a rising tide lifts all boats. Happiness is not finite. My happiness is does not lessen yours. There is room for all of us to be filled with gratitude. Smiles are contagious, you know.
