Have you ever had a mom fail like this?
Picture it: I’m sitting outside my kids’ school with tears flooding my eyes. I missed it. I missed bringing my son his birthday treats. I stayed up until midnight making some adorable allergy-friendly rice crispy treats. They were sitting in my minivan, ready to be devoured by a classroom full of 7 and 8 year olds. But I didn’t get there in time. I had yet another mom fail and I was devestated.
The guilt of that one mistake, dropping that one ball, was enough to send me into ugly cry territory. No matter all the things I did right, I got this one thing wrong. I was so frustrated with myself!
Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever been the mom with tears streaming down your cheeks because despite your best efforts you disappointed your kids? Do you wonder why this one thing sends you into a tail spin? It’s called a mom fail and it makes us feel guilty, incapable, and in danger of not living up to our crazy high expectations. What I’ve learned today is that once in awhile, we all fail.
We all know the sting of a mom fail.
Friend, listen to me today. You are allowed to make a mistake. You are allowed to let a ball drop. You are allowed to disappoint your kids, your partner, your boss, your friends, once in awhile. It is OK if you can’t pull your weight every single time. You can have a mom fail and still be a spectacular mom.
It’s so hard to be a mom sometimes.
Just because you make a mistake, it doesn’t mean you are a mistake.
I give you, and myself, permission to not be everything to everyone today. You have permission to say “I’m sorry. I forgot.” And not beat yourself up about it. Missing one deadline will not kill you. A mistake will not make you unsuccessful or ruin your friendships.
Making a mistake will not make you unloved.
The people in your life love you despite any mistakes you might make, despite that time when you say the totally wrong thing, despite not being on the ball that week, despite a mom fail (or three). The people who love you give you grace. They look at you with conpassion and empathy, not pity, and they offer to help. Let them help! They see the overwhelmed state you’re in right now is not typical. Those that love you understand. And if the people around you don’t fall into this category, you may want to consider why they are around you.
True friends will still love you when it’s hard.
Can you offer the same grace to yourself? Can I? Can you let it be OK that you had to miss that school activity? Is it OK to skip a fancy birthday party this year? Can you give yourself permission to bail on that after work social, or to be kind to yourself when you forget to return the library books? Can you be appropriately apologetic when you make a mistake but not beat yourself up like a school yard bully?
It’s OK to not be perfect. It’s OK to make a mistake.
This is a revolutionary idea to me. It’s new. It feels big, momentous. The idea that I’m not being judged as harshly as I judge myself and that I have real unconditional love in my life brings me to tears. I hope you can feel this in your life. I hope you can give yourself the grace you extend to others. More than anything else, I hope you know that making a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake. Because you aren’t. The sum of your parts is much greater than any mom fail you could do.
Update: I went to the teacher and asked if I could give the treats out during their post-lunch quiet work time. She readily agreed which thrilled my son and his classmates. I also came the following day and had lunch with him. This mom fail blew over quickly because I was able to see it for what it was…a mistake.
